i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
