i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
