Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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