It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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