Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
