i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Blood and glitter go together right?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
