did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize