Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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