Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
