You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
