Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
