If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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