She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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