speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize