I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Did I show you my penis last night?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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