is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
