I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
