i think my mom watched the whole time
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
