Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
