I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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