i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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