Can i not drive my cunt home
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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