I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
