are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
