I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
