Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
She has the best kind of daddy issues
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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