No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
