Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
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