How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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