if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
