just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
