she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
