Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
