We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
