u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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