Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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