Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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