Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
