its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
