i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
