i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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