your parents love me but you hate me
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Don't tell me you're on acid again
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
