Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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