The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
