I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
