barbara walters just said penis...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
