You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
