I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
