the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
