she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
