I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Randomize
