Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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