part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
last night I used snow as a chaser
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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