shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
