is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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