Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
