Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
