I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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