You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
