why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He passed out mid-signature
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
