I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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