drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
