Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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