I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
