so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
