Already got asked if we're dating
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
