i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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