i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
