I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
