I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
