she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
this hospital has no fireball
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
