The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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