So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
