Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
