I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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