i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
