how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
