It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
